confrontation station

I haven't written in a while mainly because I didn't have anything to say but I very recently got into a argument with my mother and it was awful of course but about 20 minutes later I surprised myself and wrote a letter to her apologizing and explaining my feelings,I know it sounds corny and I don't even know if she read it but it made me feel like I got to say everything I needed to say without us getting angry and saying things we didn't mean,which always happens when I argue.I hate confrontation and I don't understand it,is it to hurt someones feelings because you feel hurt? or because you need to get things off your chest? I always feel dirty after an argument like I participated in something that was literally useless.Maybe if everyone started to communicate better we wouldn't to get upset to let our feelings out.Maybe it's is something we need to express angry,resentment,betrayal,those are all reasons people argue.I don't have much experience with that other than with boyfriends when things are ending and I don't have to see them anymore,but to argue with someone and get passed it with someone you still have a relationship with is a true test,though I'm not really sure what the test is.