ok I'm actually going to keep my new years resolution,really I am!

I made a resolution to be more positive,but the truth is that I think I'm positive.My problem is that if something doesn't go my way,I think "of course this is happening,I shouldn't be suprised nothing good ever happens to me."That's what I want to change that I pray for the best and think of the worst.I'm not sure if that's being negative though.I asked alot of my friends their resolutions past and present.I got answers like losing weight,quit smoking,your typical dropping bad habits resolution.What I want to try is the enhance the good things about everything.It's harder than it looks,I'm getting annoyed with myself trying to constantly see things in a positive light.I'm starting to think I should except my fate as a cynic who always assumes the worst about everything.The problem is that I don't want to be like that,waiting for something bad to happen and then feeling justified when it does.My friend and supporter Scotty made me write a list of twenty things I liked about myself and even he was suprised that I could think up 20 things since I usually complain,especially to him about things I don't like about myself.So for 2010 my new years resolution is be positive,I'm not going to be naive and think that everything is always fine but I'm going to hope for the best and mean it.It's already working for me,whenever I think something is impossible I just reevaluate the situation and it works.I'm tempted to ask a question like "so what's your new years resolution?" but that would imply that I would get more that one response,even one is hoping for too much,you see that negativity just creeped up on me.I'm going to leave that question just in case.

christmas:then and now

Last christmas was a hell of alot different than this year.I had a boyfriend,alot more friends and tons of parties to go to,I wasn't even thinking about getting a job.This year I'm single,I have less friends and not one party in sight and I'm a slight workaholic when it comes to school and my job,but I feel alot better,healthier(whatever you want to call it )this year.I actually just spent time with my family and it was great.There was no arguing or any of the typical things that can go wrong that make me feel that I have to get out.I saw my little twin brothers open there presents and love them.I gave my other brother and rest of my family their gifts.This christmas was more lonely this year but I liked it,it was just simple.I'm never going to like that I don't even need a jacket during winter in Florida but I've gotten over it despite how much I complain that Florida christmas is just no competition for New York christmas.It's weird that I don't notice that my life has changed,however big or small the change is until these markers like the holidays or birthdays come up.I guess my life and who I am is changing is a good thing because it's better than nothing ever happening.I think another reason I don't notice things changing is because I don't want to notice,I think if I felt every tiny change I'd go crazy or I'd be scared,I'm not the biggest fan of change.I'm going to end with a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

queen b's

In high school or atleast how they represent it on shows and movies,they're various groups of kids who fit in together and then a small group of popular kids.My high school experience was alittle different,popular girls or mean girls definetly exist but they weren't cheerleaders or prom queens,they were just slightly manipulative girls that say words like "hun"and"sweety" which they use to lesser the girls around them and they would always wear better clothes,tons of make up and all the guys liked them.I'm not quite sure what group I was in,I wasn't popular but people did know me and I'm sorry to say dispite my best efforts I'm not manipulative.I always wondered what separated the popular from the unpopular,there's always the obvious that they are attention seekers but or that because they're pretty people naturally want to be around them,but I feel like there's more.Most kids feel awkward in high school at some point but for some reason the popular girls always overcame that.They could make their friend feel like crap and the friend just comes back for more because it's better to be apart of the crowd then to be on the outside looking in.Maybe they have advanced social skills they make them strive in a curture(high school) where people need a class system.I was always in a little group of misfits who never fit in a particular crowd but I'd be lying if I said I never wondered what it would be like to be "popular".It's funny how you get older and things like that fade,people you'd think would never be your friend turn into your best friends.The whole notion of queen b's go away for most and for some high school will be the high point in life.I'm scared of mean girls anymore,I'm not as scared of being judged because they pretty much beat the fear out of me in high school.I think high school,school in general prepares us for life in so many ways and because I'm constantly observing I've learned alot.There will always be the kings and queens of high school,the people who follow them and the people who follow no one.What I learned is that you have to brave enough to be you,which is almost impossible in high school,but there's always college,there's always life after freaks,nerds,jocks and mean girls,there's always life after high school.

it's better to give

With christmas near I wanted to talk about giving and receiving gifts during the holidays.I am notoriously hard to shop for,I never know what I want and when I do it's considered too practical.I also loath the idea of buying gifts,like most people I always want to think of something unique and special to give the person.Thinking of something special and unique year after year isn't at all easy.It puts alot of stress on people,myself very much included.When I was younger my mom would buy a bunch of cards and had me give them out to everyone of my friends and family,I would write a special note for each of them.I'm realizing at only 18 that life as a kid when it comes to giving gifts this season is so much easier,actually life in general is easier.I do love the look on peoples face when they like a gift,I bought buy my brother an early gift and he was truly happy,it was great and satisfying to see.In my case giving gifts is better than getting because I am also known for having a terrible "happy/suprised/enthused" face about anything but that's just because I am weird or something.I love the holidays because of the idea of family and tradition that it promotes and giving gifts is apart of that tradition.So instead of being worried about it I'm going to enjoy christmas and the time I get with my family.                                                                                                                                                                  

celeb obsessed

I had a post before called celeb obsessed about how celebrity is a distraction from real issues and problems.I took it down because it felt flat and lacking but after this past week I rather have a flat post then no post on this subject.For about 2 weeks everyone has been talking about Tiger Woods car accident and having about 8 separate affairs.December 1,the President announced that the war will be going on through 2011 and he said this war is nothing like Vietnam(yeah sure),but which story is front and center?,yup you guessed it Tiger woods and his alleged mistresses.There's also a story about a couple who may or may not have crashed a white house party and how they may or may not have wanted a reality show.This just proves that people would do anything to be famous,crash a white house,give out voice messages of your alleged lovers plea for you to change your answering machine so his wife wont know.No one cares about issues anymore,they just want the latest dirt on their favorite celebrity or about scandalous affairs.I can't even believe that Tiger woods alleged indiscetions bumped the "white house crashers" as a lead story on almost news organization,t.v.,radio,newspaper,etc.I'm 18 so I personally know people who don't watch the news or have much interest in it but no everything about "Brangelina" and when Justin Timberlakes birthday is and who Lindsay's with week.When people talk about they saw it's young peoples fault for not being interested in thing not celebrity related and I agree to some extent but that's because they're not in any immediate danger.There's a war but no draft,not that I'm favor of that and protesting now like they did in the 60's and 70's is almost impossible when cops are ready to arrest you at anytime.The people who really care or atleast imformed are the people who report it,directly affected,and a few people who actually don't care if Britney wears underwear or not.Everything is so sensationalized,octomom,Jon and Kate plus 8 and the truth is that we all created an atmosphere of being involved in peoples lives who we don't know.Even me by naming those celebrities,some who have jobs and some whos job is to be a celebrity.My point is when did we get to the point where no knowing about your country and who runs it became not only okay but normal.I was watching Jay Leno(I know) and he was showing random people famous pictures of presidents,painters,inventors and celebrites,a good percent of them(and that's being nice)got the celebrity right and the painter,inventor,etc wrong.I laughed at the time and that thought "damn, that's sad."  

PS.if a certain person is going to leave a comment,make sure it actually posts because it definetly didn't last time(just saying)

what is "sexting"?

Sexting is when you send a sexually explicit photo,video or text message.Alot of teens around my age do it,I haven't really heard of it until recently I didn't think anything of it.I know that alot of teens and young adults aren't mature by nature and don't think of consequences constantly but I've been thinking does that mean that they'll be another Dr.Phil episode(if there wasn't already) about what parents need to do to stop this..Maybe parents should monitor that,but for me the bigger question is why on earth would someone ever send something sexually suggestive over the phone? I deffinetly wouldn't,there are so many ways that it could become public,a guy/girl shows it to all of his/her friends,parents could find it,I mean come on it's really not worth the risk.Besides the embarrassment factor of everyone seeing a "sext" there are legal issues with sending them,in Florida, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania teens have faced charges your naked pictures.I know that being young there is this certain sense of being invincible,like nothing can touch us.They don't think "what if this ends up online and my boss sees it?".But even worse than that it can lead to death,two girls hanged themselves after being taunted by thes "sexts" becoming public.Obviously "sextining" is the new thing that has caught the attention of people in my age group and isn't going away anytime soon unfortunetly,but I really hope because it has gotten out of hand it'll make people think twice about sending a message of any kind that they don't want getting out.

one girl revolution

      In John Lennon's song "Imagine" he sings about a world I dream of no violence,no suffering.I understand that when people struggle it makes them more appreciative but sometimes it's too much.Just think about little girls in Cambodia being put into sex slavery,poverty in Africa and diseases that spread.It is too much to handle,I tried to imagine as much as I can,to put myself in their shoes but I can't.I can blog about how I'm not feeling that great about my life and how I love winter and can't really enjoy it,but in comparison to those problems,real problems mine don't only seem trivial they seem silly.Most people watch the news or a talk show and see news pieces on the suffering countries,myself included,they say "that's terrible" and then go about their lives but I'm getting tired of it.I'm getting to the point where I want to go to those countries and physically help every single person that needs food,shelter,medicine,clothing and education.It's unfathomable to me that as I'm writing this blog there are starving children that don't even have electricity,some don't even have a floor and sleep on dirt.It's not right that things that I consider necessities are very much luxuries to them.The reason why I'm so,what's the word,I guess angry is because I did put in terms that made me better empathize with then,that was thinking of my little brothers being in the position,thinking of what if I had a daughter and some one just came into my unprotected living area and took her and sold her into a sex trade,I would fight with every inch of my life to get her back.When I thought of it like that I was overcome with this strong feeling of hopelessness,then anger,then wanting to act.I don't believe in only looking out for yourself I truly believe in everyone helping eachother as much as we can,but there's only so much I can do and also to day is world aids day,another reason why I;m writing this blog,that epidemic is something that affects people in America aswell as the rest of the world,god all these problems I wish I could single handedly fix.I wish it was that easy the one girl could change the world,maybe she can one day soon.