walking in a winter wonderland

            I'm so glad it's winter even though I can't enjoy it as much in Florida because it doesn't get very wintery around these parts.To me summer can never compare to winter especially winter in a place like New York where the leaves change and fall,wearing cute sweaters and boots.Also I love the holidays,the holidays when you're a kid is special.I never realized that buying gifts and decorating the house with christmas lights was such a headache until my parents got tired of hiding there frustration.Having snow fights with my brother and friends,drinking hot cocoa are all tied with great childhood memories.Im not totally oblivious to the fact that winter kicked my ass,it's cold that my face would get red and my lips would get white(I know,not a good image),my hands would get frozen.Summer is fun,you got the beach,barbecues,no school,I recognize the pluses that summer brings,but the isn't called "walking in a summer wonderland" for a reason and the reason is because winter to me holds this special place in my heart for being the first time I was kissed, halloween is close to winter which is my favorite holiday not for dressing like a slut but I've been accused of that.I love covering up and watching a movie or reading a book,when it's cold.I just feel a certain energy when it's winter,there's not many changes in weather in Florida so I'm missing out on my beloved winter and fall and to all 1 of you reading my blog(maybe saying 1 is too many),experiencing the winter and fall season enjoy it and don't worry,summer will resume soon but winter is here and it can be magical if you want it to.

who's gender is it anyway?

             Male and female gender roles are pretty clear.Women are feminine and men are masculine.It seems with men there's this double standard that they can't be feminine and be strong.Everytime a man has something or does something that is considered feminine they "manify" it.For example if a guy has a purse they call it a man purse,if a man discloses he has or had anorexia they call it "manorexia",what the hell is that? Even if men do things like get highlights or they go to spas people call them metrosexual.Women can be masculan and tough and it's considered sexy.I think it's because people don't take female sexuality seriously,a woman can be a lesbian and people think if the right man came along she'll change,but if you're a man and gay you're gay and that's it.Why isn't okay for a man to be sensitive?We all start off as women in the womb and some change to male or they become something in between,so if they start off female isn't being atleast alittle feminine okay?Besides nature we always get the notion of clearly defined gender roles from what we see on T.V.Women are sex objects and men objectify them,this is a general statement because I know not every show,movie,song is like that.Male sexuality seems to be more threatening than female because a man is supposed to be unfeeling and if you're gay on a show that's not on cable you don't have a sexuality you're just apart of a morality plotline.I just feel that people should beable to be and feel how they want,if you want to be tough be tough,if you want to show your feelings do so but for men there is this need to be man you don't want to be a women,they weak and soft,which is not true but the preception for some.I;m glad I'm a women who gets to be strong and soft,sweet and tough without worrying if someone is questioning my feminity.

my generation

          When books,plays,comic books have been are turned into movies and it's usually hit or miss.Recently everything is being remade,like the movie Fame,The Taking of Pelhem 123,3:10 To Yuma.This decade has been filled with copies of the original sometimes for the better.I'm completely jealous of the 60's,70's,80's and 90's.There was originality and now everything is recycled.I would love to be apart of a decade that had  young band like the beatles,and new movies like the godfather and to see some exciting new artists.My brother says it's because all the good ideas have been thought of before and there's nothing left,no good stories to tell and maybe he's right, but when you redo everything and it turns out bad it degrades the original.Originality should be celebrated because it's very rare these days but when people find a formula they think works they stick with it untill they bleed it dry. Recently there have been a few good comic book movies,now every few months we get a bunch of ok comic book movies.Ever since vampires have become popular again there's 2 t.v. shows and a movie franchise.My friend read in an article that shoulder pads were back and now on every talk show I see the latest it-girl is wearing shoulder pads,like it's the 80's again and I see girls wearing leg wermers,seriously leg warmers.It's not terrible to bring back old styles to incorporate them but that's not happening.I would like to think that when I'm looking back this decade I'll see some individuality that I missed.But honestly I'd be suprised,will Miley Cyrus be a legend when I have kids,will the closest thing my generation has to the greatness be the Jonas Brothers.Time will tell but as the 2000's come to an end and the 2010's begin all I see is more overproduction of the same thing.

a weighty issue

         For the past few years I think everyone has noticed that T.V. shows,magazines,and everyother form of media I can think of simultaneously promotes and condemns being skinny.I know this isn't new territory but I thought I'd talk about it.In a perfect world all body types would be represented and loved.It seems that it's either one extreme or another,the super skinny girl and very large girl nothing in between,and then those dove commercials talking about "real beauty" showing every body type but the skinny one.It's really like they can't celebrate one without tearing down the other.I think it's good for women to want to strive to be healthy,but it's when vanity and the need to feel perfect kicks in that's when it's becomes a problem.It's the reason why women and men get plastic surgery,go on extreme diets and make themselves throw up.

       Don't get my wrong I'm just as susceptible to those "perfect body" images as the next girl.I think I'm always going to to have moments where I don't feel great about my body or feeI inadequate but I do like myself and I can see those shows and magazines and know that those actresses and models hold themselves at a standard that I and most other women can't and we shouldn't want to.I do wish I had a perfect body but not at the expense of my precious food.I could never go on a low this,high that diet or get plastic surgery,first of all surgery terrifies me and second I'm not saying that it's bad,I just mean when people go overboard with it,it's a huge risk for perfection..All we can do is be as healthy as we can or want and what ever body we have when we'e done is the one we love,of course this would also be in a perfect world where people are actually happy with themselves.
        I  know they will always be so-called perfect girls and they will always be people who reject it but I think all bodies should be celebrated and being healthy is what should be promoted but it starts with real people not with celebrities.It's on us to make the most of what we have and be thankful that we all look different.Feeling good about yourself as you are is the best thing anyone can do and then if you still need a change then change but know it should make you feel better in all aspects of your life.

discovery:jasmin edition

I was thinking about how much I admire atleast one thing from each of them.Scotty's ability to get back on his feet after a crisis is amazing.Nicole has a way with flirting with the whole room and it's just charming.Carolyn who's like a southern belle,so oddly graceful,she wears whatever she wants and doesn't stress about it.My best friend Heather has recently become a social butterfly and is getting to go away for college and I wish I could too.Veronica is the most confident person I know.Brittany and Marie have the best relationship I have ever seen and Nicole's sometimes boyfriend Nate is always caring and sweet.I wonder what I have in me to be admired,I want to take a piece of what I admire of my friends and own it.Is it the curse of a girl that she's constantly questioning her own worth or is it just me?I know I'm awkward in large groups of people and I guess I'm shy but I feel like there's whole other person that few people see because I'm....I don't know,maybe scared to be judged are the right words but I'm not sure why.I know I can be funny and I'm smart,I can carry a conversation pretty well.Sometimes I put myself out there and it's not enough.I'm not the girl that keeps guys up wondering about her and I'm not the girl people hated in school because she was perfect and you weren't.I can't walk into a room and command attention and that is the girl I thought I would be by now but I have seem to make a left turn at "girl you can talk to and forget in 5 seconds" town and I know how annoying it is to complain about things like this but this is a blog so I get to vent,ok.So anyway where was I,oh yeah,I used to get lines from boys I liked,"you're such a good listener" and "you're a good friend" and then they would get up and talk to the girl they really liked.If I was Veronica I would show up looking gorgeous and not care who was looking at me.If I were like Carolyn I would get people engaged by my southern charm but instead I give them New York cynicism. I don't think it's a bad thing to want to be remembered or leave your mark in some small way,what I really want is to not need validation from other people and be complete on my own.A good way to do that is to not covet and focus the good things about me that I can appreciate.

happy birthday to me,whether you like it or not

So I'm turning 18 on Thursday and my mom is on the verge of tears.She told me she remembers telling my grandmother when I was 2 that she wished I'd stay that way forever.I understand her sadness,in a way her children getting older is a way of time passing for her.18 is a stepping stone in a young adults life,but it's also a stepping stone for her.My mother realizing that her oldest,her only girl is getting older and so is she.My mom used to dress me up when I was younger like I was a doll and I used to hate it,but if I'm honest I miss it.My mom had a tough childhood and her mom didn't treat her like she was her doll or anything like that and when she used to dress me up she seemed happy,like she had purpose,which used to confuse me but now I just figure she trying to make me happy too.Don't missunderstand,this isn't a poor mom blog entry and my grandmother wasn't a monster she just had alot of children to take care of and no help and she wasn't shown much love as a child either,my point is to say that because my mom didn't have my childhood(which was hard for me but would of been a walk in the park for my mother)she lived through me as a child giving me everything she thinks a young girl would want and now that I'm turning the dreaded 18 she feels like her childhood is over too.My mom has three boys that she loves so much,she'd literally die for them but with every passing year they get older too and that's just another reminder for a mother like mine who lives for us.I'm going to celebrate 18 because it's another year I get to be my mothers daughter,my fathers daughter and my brothers big sister.What I learned this year is to count my blessings,I have great people in my life and I'll celebrate them while they're celebrating me on my birthday.