discovery:jasmin edition

I was thinking about how much I admire atleast one thing from each of them.Scotty's ability to get back on his feet after a crisis is amazing.Nicole has a way with flirting with the whole room and it's just charming.Carolyn who's like a southern belle,so oddly graceful,she wears whatever she wants and doesn't stress about it.My best friend Heather has recently become a social butterfly and is getting to go away for college and I wish I could too.Veronica is the most confident person I know.Brittany and Marie have the best relationship I have ever seen and Nicole's sometimes boyfriend Nate is always caring and sweet.I wonder what I have in me to be admired,I want to take a piece of what I admire of my friends and own it.Is it the curse of a girl that she's constantly questioning her own worth or is it just me?I know I'm awkward in large groups of people and I guess I'm shy but I feel like there's whole other person that few people see because I'm....I don't know,maybe scared to be judged are the right words but I'm not sure why.I know I can be funny and I'm smart,I can carry a conversation pretty well.Sometimes I put myself out there and it's not enough.I'm not the girl that keeps guys up wondering about her and I'm not the girl people hated in school because she was perfect and you weren't.I can't walk into a room and command attention and that is the girl I thought I would be by now but I have seem to make a left turn at "girl you can talk to and forget in 5 seconds" town and I know how annoying it is to complain about things like this but this is a blog so I get to vent,ok.So anyway where was I,oh yeah,I used to get lines from boys I liked,"you're such a good listener" and "you're a good friend" and then they would get up and talk to the girl they really liked.If I was Veronica I would show up looking gorgeous and not care who was looking at me.If I were like Carolyn I would get people engaged by my southern charm but instead I give them New York cynicism. I don't think it's a bad thing to want to be remembered or leave your mark in some small way,what I really want is to not need validation from other people and be complete on my own.A good way to do that is to not covet and focus the good things about me that I can appreciate.